The truth is that love is a skill that takes time to learn and that no matter what the media portrays, it takes a lot of practice to get right. And unfortunately for us Millennials, we have been exposed to too much media with a skewed view of what love is supposed to be. We have been led down the wrong path.
What makes matters worse is that many of us have been raised in households where the divorce was all around us. We are more likely to live at home with our parents as adults than any other generation before us. So it’s no surprise that we don’t know how to fall in love anymore.
Love will come when you least expect it, but you’ve got to open yourself up first, or else it just won’t happen. You’ve got to let go of control, and stop trying so hard to make things happen on your own terms and timelines.
I know I sound like your mom right now, but she’s probably onto something here! Love is a journey, not a destination; and until you’re ready for the whole commitment thing, enjoy being young and free!
In this blog, I will tell you the reason why it is all screwed up to date as a millennial. Continue reading.
10 Powerful Reasons Why Dating as a Millennial Is so Screwed up
- Our generation lacks communication skills
We have lost the ability to communicate with one another. We don’t know how to pick up the phone or write a letter, and it seems like we’ve forgotten that we can actually hang out in person. Those days are long gone since we started dating on the internet. Maybe this is why our generation has become so disconnected from each other and why dating has become such a nightmare.
Why is it that every time I turn around, some guy is complaining about how he never gets approached by any woman? Well, maybe if you put down your damn phone once in a while and took your head out of your apps, you might be able to make eye contact with a woman and strike up a conversation!
Maybe men were never actually interested in us as human beings at all; maybe they were only interested within the confines of an app or text message where they could be comfortable and detached. Either way, it’s not okay for you to keep putting something off just because you’re afraid of what people will think.
- Millennials are afraid to commit.
Commitment is one of the scariest words in a millennial’s dictionary. Sure, they love the idea of it, but once they’ve reached that point in a relationship, they are terrified. This stems from a variety of fears including:
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of being hurt
- Fear of intimacy
- Fear of losing control
- Fear of being manipulated
- Fear of abandonment and so much more.
- Millennials don’t know the art of dating.
But there are other aspects of dating that the millennial generation has completely forgotten about. Such as:
- How to ask someone on a date
- How to begin a conversation with someone you like
- How to end a conversation with someone you don’t like
- How to behave on a date
- What to talk about or whatnot talk about on a date
- The right way to dress for a date
- Millennials operate on a “grass is greener” syndrome.
Millennials operate on a “grass is greener” syndrome. Put simply, this means we always fear missing out on something better… This can be seen in everything from our food choices to our careers to our partners. We have created an entire existence for ourselves based on the idea that something better is always out there, even if it is something you could get with your current partner.
When you believe that there is some perfect person or some ideal relationship waiting just around the corner, then it becomes easy to not commit to the person you are with and wait for those things instead. If a relationship can be “better,” then why commit when someone else who’s even more attractive or intelligent could come along? Or maybe they’re not attractive or intelligent enough — how do we know if we haven’t met every person on earth yet? After all, dating sites like OkCupid and Tinder seem like they have millions of potential dates on them at any given time.
The grass-is-greener mentality also applies to jobs, friends, and food choices too — so don’t think millennials are only guilty of this in romantic relationships! I know, screwed up it is…
- Millennials are lost.
Millennials have never had to be alone. We have never had to search our souls, look into the mirror and figure out who we really are. Instead of developing our own identity and beliefs, we adopt them from others; whether it is our parents or society as a whole. We don’t know what we want because we are too busy trying to find out who we are. When you don’t know what you want in life, how the hell can you expect to know what you want in a relationship?
We haven’t been shown how to love. Instead of being treated with love and respect, millennials have been taught that narcissism is ok; that validation is more important than authenticity; that sex is more intimate than spending time together with no clothes on; that real connections aren’t necessary for dating; and that commitments shouldn’t be taken seriously. How can they learn how to love when they see so many people around them playing games?
- Millennials are emotionally unavailable.
One of the most common reasons why people are emotionally unavailable is because they are afraid of getting hurt. This is something that a lot of people do without even thinking about it. We gravitate toward people who we think won’t hurt us, and away from those we think will.
However, this is something that can lead to a very dysfunctional relationship where you’re not being open with your partner or yourself. It can also lead to a breakup, as many people aren’t willing to put themselves out there and be vulnerable with their partners because they don’t trust them enough to be able to handle their emotions.
- We’re always on our phones
As a millennial, you should know better than anyone that we’re addicted to our phones. We’re always looking down at them whenever we cross the street, while we’re walking through the mall or driving around in our cars (sorry mom).
But there is no denying it: technology has made our lives easier. It connects us with people all over the world and allows us to live life on our own terms. But it also makes dating as a millennial nearly impossible. When you’re always searching for something better online, how is someone supposed to compete with that?
While it has its perks, being a 20-something and single is not easy. If you find yourself constantly distracted by your phone when you’re out on a date or even trying to talk to someone at a bar, put your phone down and lookup. You never know what might be right in front of you if only you just looked up from your screen for five minutes.
- We don’t know our worth.
You may be a great person; you may have so many amazing qualities and be highly desirable to the right person. But if you don’t know your worth, then you won’t get what you deserve.
Now, being too available and desperate isn’t the only way of not knowing your worth. It can also mean that:
- You’re not confident in all that makes you awesome and in demand.
- You don’t know what you want out of life, much less out of a relationship or partner.
- You’re unsure about what it is that you bring to the table in both your personal and professional life.
- You settle for anything—a job, an apartment, a partner—because it’s better than being alone with no options at all, right?
Not knowing your worth means settling for whatever comes along because if it’s not “the one,” well…it beats sitting home on Friday nights watching Netflix alone, right? After all, there’s nothing like having zero options to make even a mediocre one seem appealing
- Millennials have never been taught how to ‘adult’.
I’m not sure if it’s because we’re so connected to technology or if we have been taught how to manage our money, but I constantly see people my age spending money on stupid things.
We always are trying to keep up with the latest trends and live a lavish lifestyle filled with traveling and going out to eat.
Realistically, most of us can barely afford rent, let alone a plane ticket or dinner at a fancy restaurant.
The problem is that millennials have never been taught about fiscal responsibility and how the real world really works – so instead of acting like adults and saving money, we continue to make poor financial decisions.
- We’re stuck in the friend zone
A friend zone is a well-known place where people who want to date are put by the person they’re attracted to. It can be a real bummer, and it happens all the time among millennials.
The friend zone is created when you become friends with someone you have feelings for, but that feeling isn’t mutual. The attraction is one-sided, and you end up in the role of a guy or girlfriend instead of boyfriend or girlfriend.
When you stay in the friend zone and keep hanging out with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do them, it can be very painful and confusing. There are many reasons why this happens, but here are two big ones:
- You start getting along really well right away because you share common interests and goals, so it just feels natural to pursue a friendship.
- You enter into friendships because there is no romantic chemistry between you whatsoever, which means they’re probably never will be any romantic chemistry between the two of you (and that’s okay!).
Millennials need to adjust how they date if they ever want to find love
Wondering why you still have trouble finding love after all these years, despite being so confident that you’re a good catch? You may just be going about it the wrong way. Dating as a Millennial is difficult and riddled with problems that weren’t there in previous generations. If you want to find love, you need to know how to date in ways that will work for you and help your love life instead of ruining it. Here are 10 powerful reasons why dating as a Millennial is so screwed up:
- Whether it’s flakiness or plain old busyness, people today don’t make their schedules clear enough when asking someone out on a date.
- Millennials expect too much from their partners because they’re used to doing everything themselves, yet they don’t communicate with their partners clearly enough about how they think things should be done around them.
- Problems communicating are also born from people not being willing to compromise and compromise often makes relationships stronger.
- Millennials expect instant gratification by taking shortcuts like using dating apps instead of putting in the effort required to meet people naturally and get emotionally invested in each other over time before jumping into bed together…if they even bother getting emotionally involved at all!
- In addition to lacking commitment, most Millennials don’t understand what true long-term compatibility means because they’ve never been taught it by examples in their own home lives or by society as a whole.
- Most Millennials fear marriage and refuse to commit because of this fear, but many of them don’t realize that having someone who has your back can make overcoming such fears easier than trying to do things alone would be for them…and marriage brings about plenty of great things besides the possibility of divorce!
- As we already discussed earlier The Internet’s ability to create false realities has made many people put too much stock into virtual friendships and online profiles rather than focusing on real-life relationships between real people with
The bottom line
Don’t force someone to date who isn’t interested; don’t try to stay friends just because they’re awesome enough to know that being near your awesomeness would make their life better; don’t settle for being “just friends” if what you really want is romance and love!
Lastly, dating is confusing and hard but there are ways to make it easier to understand oneself and others better.